This really has nothing to do with anything, but then again, neither does this entire blog. The other day, my roommate Cata and I walked to a hipster bakery so she could get gluten-free muffins (to all my hypochondriacs out there, no one should ever elect to be celiac – that’s like defaulting to being allergic to chocolate and no one should ever want that for themselves). En route, we passed by this lovely brownstone…with this lovely sign.
Me: “Oh my god, I have to Instagram this.” *snaps photo* “Got rice, bitch?”
Cata: “Got rice? Got luck every time you roll the dice?”
I was ROARING with laughter! Our demented friendship was then canonized into sweet eternity, because—in case you didn’t notice—that’s a song. Nay, a rap. A rap song that came out circa when I was in middle school, at the peak of my pre-puberty life crisis when I had to choose between being whitewashed to fit in with my white suburban friends (hence that fun foray into cheerleading), or to hold fast to my Asian roots and adorn my bedroom walls with anime art and have two strands of hair down the sides of my face (one on each side, per the style).
I think everyone, regardless of whether or not you’re Asian, should be aware of this song. We immediately had to sit down and look up the lyrics to refresh our memory, and I provide them to you below. I’ve put my favorite parts in bold. Enjoy. You’re welcome.
AZN – Got Rice? Lyrics, provided by metrolyrics.com
It’s the A.Z.N nigga fuck the rest. Dallas to New York jigga,
We’re the best.
Vietnam, to Japan to Mongolia. Phillipines, to Taiwan, to Cambodia. Korea ah..
ah.. home town China, who you got huh?
You got shit nigga, feel the size, it’s the A.Z.N better recognize.
Got Rice bitch? Got Rice? got food, got soup, got spice?
Got brains like us? Got skills like us? Got cars, got clothes, got girls like us?
What’s up with the shit and we kill y’all fools. We got money in the bank from
our family jewels, can we help it if we raid and corrupt the
Schools? It don’t matter, fuck the law, shall we break the rules.
We jack cars, pop games, yo we got the tools. Hoop it up, break it down then we shoot some pools.
Fuck with me, you fuck with all bitch, don’t think
it’s cool. One-on-one fuck THAT it’s three-on-one, no duels!
Got Rice bitch? Got Rice? Anything you can show that is nice?
Got cash, got moves, got thoughts like us? Fuck no, hell you white, you’ll never
be like us.
Take off your shoes before you enter please or crawl around on the floor with your
fuckin’ knees. Don’t mind the smell you’ll get used to it. Moth
balls, dried squid, and that buddha shit? What the hell is that? You think I don’t
see? No forks in the house, chopsticks only. Have a taste don’t be
scared try the lemon tea. You don’t want? That’s alright, try the Pho Com Le. Got
rice bitch? Got Rice? Got luck every time you roll the dice? Good luck is bad unless
you run and hide, ’cause we’re thugs for life baby, Asian Pride!